It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
