Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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