dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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