I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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