think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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