I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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