remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
