I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
