thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
