Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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