The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
