On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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