found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize