My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
