I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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