you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
