If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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