i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just want to make out with him forever
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