nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
