I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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