some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
