the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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