I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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