I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
