I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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