took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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