physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
