Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?