there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.