Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
