I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize