It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
