You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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