I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
