my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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