Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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