I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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