How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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