she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
