Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
