Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
