so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
