Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
