it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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