I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
