so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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