I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
