tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
