After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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