Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
