I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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