You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
