we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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