hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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