So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
