I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
