Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
