fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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