Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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