So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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