everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
