shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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