Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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