As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
