doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
