I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
