all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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